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Grizzly or Black
Bear?
A friend of mine going to hunt in Alaska said he couldn't tell the difference between a
black bear and a grizzly. I told him the easiest and most sure-fire way to tell which
species it was is to run up behind the bear and kick it in the rear. Then run and climb up
a tree. If the bear climbs the tree and eats him it's a black bear. If the bear pushes the
tree over and eats him it's a grizzly.
Thanks for the Help!
A hunter from the city bagged a big buck deer. Just about that time, the game warden
arrived and asked if the hunter had a hunting license. The hunter said he didn't have a
license, so the game warden had to take the hunter and the deer to town. The game warden
helped the hunter drag the 300-pound deer out to the road, at which point the hunter
exclaimed, "I just remembered; I do have a license after all!"
Grizzly Bear Encounter
A guy was telling his friend about his recent hunting trip to Alaska. "We were out in
the woods all morning and our guide decided that we should take a break along the river
bank. I wasn't feeling tired so I went for a stroll while the others were resting.
"As I was walking, a grizzly bear burst out of the undergrowth in front of me. I
turned and started running like heck through the woods with the bear after me. The bear
almost caught up with me but slipped and fell down. I kept running and the bear almost
caught up with me again twice, but slipped and feel each time. I finally reached the
riverbank. The guide saw the bear chasing me and shot it dead"
"Wow!" replied his friend, "That's incredible. If I were you I would have
crapped my pants." The first guy answered, "What do you think the bear was
slipping on?"
I'll Teach Him a Lesson
A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard. The driver
went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on his land.
The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor?" That old
mule over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill
her. Would you do it for me?"
The hunter said "Sure" and headed for the car.
Walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the
car and when asked if the farmer said it was OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but
I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."
With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule. As he
exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!"
A second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his hunting buddies shouted,
"I got the cow!!!!"
The Trackers
Simon went deer hunting with two experienced hunters, Dave and Mack. Dave says that he
will go first. He leaves the cabin and goes out hunting. He's back in an hour with a deer.
Simon says, "How did you do that?" Dave replies, "Simple, I found tracks,
then I followed them and, Wham!, I shot a deer."
Mack goes out and does the same thing Dave did. When he comes back with the deer, Simon is
astonished and asks the same question, "How did you do that?" So Mack says,
"Simple, I found tracks then I followed them and then, Wham!, I shot a deer".
"Oh I get it", says Simon.
So Simon takes his turn in the woods. He doesn't return. When they search for him, Dave
and Mack find him at the hospital. They asked him what happened. Simon says, "I found
tracks and I followed them and Wham!, The train hit me!
Hunting Accident
Simon and Clem took to the woods hunting one day. Unbeknownst to Simon, Clem put on a deer
suit, complete with antlers. Simon mistook him for a deer and shot him.
Simon took his wounded companion to the hospital. After filling out a few forms he waited.
Finally, after several hours, the doctor came out of surgery with bleak news.
"There was a chance we could have saved him," the doctor said, "if only you
hadn't gutted him too!"
Top Five Signs You've Hired the Wrong Hunting Guide
5. Blows into big seashell horn to attract game; bunch of Vikings show up instead.
4. Completely outfitted with "Barney" camping equipment.
3. As you close in on a deer, he whispers (Elmer Fudd voice), "Be vehhwy vehhwy
quiet."
2. Calls trees by their first names.
And the number one sign you've hired the wrong hunting guide:
1.Prone to screaming, "Run, Bambi, Run!"
Game Warden Run
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a
sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods. The
Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and
stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally
caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Warden, "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks!
You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir,"
replied the kid, "But my friend back there, he don't have one." |
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